When Fandoms Collide
by TheYellowBrickRoadToTheTARDIS
Summary: In a turn of events the Doctor, Sherlock AND the Golden Trio end up at the same place. Unfortunately for them, their enemies unite in an attempt to destroy them and defeat the prophecy. Luckily, our friends from Hetalia are there to save them! 11th Doctor used. Crack fic is cracky and may make no sense at all. I did warn you xD
1. The Power of Scones

Chapter One: The Power of Scones

_"Charles Augustus Magnussen isn't a man, he's a machine"_

* * *

Charles Augustus Magnussen, or CAM to others, would class himself as a very emotionless person, although he wouldn't exactly class himself as a person, but what's the point in clutching at straws?

People usually described him as a machine, a description (whilst highly accurate) he seemed to find highly ironic, or for lack of a better word, amusing. The truth in fact was that Charles Magnussen was a machine, he was the greatest machine of all, for he was the leader of the Daleks.

Now, becoming the leader of the Daleks was no mean feat of course. He'd had to work for it, and work he did, he'd worked his way up the figurative career ladder of the Dalek Empire and after some time ( the last Dalek leader had mysteriously vaporised. ) he had eventually landed the role of leader of the Daleks.

Recently there had been some upset in the Dalek Empire, a new prophecy had come about, a prophecy that predicted the end of all villains and all things evil ( Magnussen personally thought that this was cheesy as heck, but it had specifically referenced to the Empire of the Daleks so he naturally had to do something about it if he wanted to keep his position ).

The prophecy stated that the Dalek fleet, and all evil, would be destroyed by a man, well a Time Lord, named The Doctor and several other companions. One of these companions was a Mister Sherlock Holmes who Magnussen had been keeping a close eye on as of late. At first, it had seemed that Sherlock Holmes was just like anybody else, boringly human. He was human, but he was in no way boring. There was no denying it; Sherlock Holmes was gifted, he was smart, cunning, constantly alert and he always seemed to be one step ahead of Magnussen.

Like the stroppy teenage girl he was, Magnussen had become fed-up of Sherlock ignoring his calls, throwing away his fan-mail ( mainly composed by Magnussen, his secret fangirl, well fanboy ) and rejecting him every time he suggested meeting up. Well, Charles wasn't taking it anymore; the Dalek part of him was coming out and Sherlock Holmes, his brother and all the king's men wouldn't be able to stop him.

* * *

"Sherlock, where are my trousers?" An angry John Watson yelled, causing the only other person in flat 221-B to spill tea down his shirt.

A sharp inhale was heard from the other room along with a long string of curses. Apparently, spilling hot tea over your clothes was not a good way to start the morning.

"SHERLOCK, WHERE ARE MY TROUSERS?" It sounded as if John was getting angrier by the minute, Sherlock would hardly be surprised if he turned into a werewolf or something.

"Hmmm… On top of the fridge." He said bluntly.

John marched into the room, wearing a nice buttoned dress shirt and black Calvin Klein boxers, which were very tight. Sherlock raised his eyebrows but made no comment and continued wiping his shirt in an effort to get the tea off; he was too lazy to change.

Attempting to keep in his rage, John turned to Sherlock; "And why are they on top of the fridge?"

Sherlock simply shrugged; "I was tidying up and it seemed like a convenient place to put them."

John could've said more but decided to, very maturely, give Sherlock a dirty look, grab his trousers off the fridge and put them on, he did so in quick succession due to his repressed anger.

"I blame Mary, you know."

John looked up, now being fully dressed, and went to sit in the chair opposite Sherlock.

"Okay, I'll bite; why do you blame Mary for my trousers being on the fridge?"

Sherlock looked at John, amusement and confusion etched across his face,"Jeez, John get over the trousers, that was so two minutes ago."

John ignored this and carried on; "Okay, so what do you blame Mary for?"

Silence. Then, "Magnussen."

"I don't even know who that is."

Sherlock shrugged, the typical arrogance obvious in his voice; "I didn't expect you to."

The conversation was then abandoned as _Adventure Time _came on the television and both Holmes and Watson became totally absorbed in the show, it was their guilty pleasure. They had just finished the first episode when there was a knock at the door, Sherlock pretended that he hadn't heard the knock in order to avoid getting up.

"I'll get it then, shall I?" John hoisted himself out of the chair, walked over to the door and pulled it straight open, expecting it to be just another regular client.

John immediately saw that it was most certainly not a regular client. Standing, well not exactly standing, _positioned _in front of him was a machine of some sort, well he didn't know if it was a machine, but he figured that machine was as accurate as he could get, it had a weird _thing _sticking out of its head, John guessed that it was some sort of eyepiece. It also had two things that John could only identify as a whisk and a plunger; all in all, the machine did not look that terrifying.

John had to stifle a laugh; "Um, what exactly are you supposed to be?"

"COME WITH ME OR YOU SHALL BE EXTERMINATED." The machine bleeped at him, _wow that thing was aggressive. _

Despite himself, John flinched and cried out for Sherlock. "Sherlock, there's a _thing _out here and I think it's dangerous, come look, will you?"

Sighing, Sherlock reluctantly got up and joined John at the door. Unlike John, Sherlock had never heard of tact and began to openly laugh at the visitor, _big mistake. _

"Wow, nice costume, did Mycroft send you? Is this some kind of joke?"

Apparently, the machine didn't like being taunted and to prove that it wasn't to be mocked, emitted one of its deadly rays and "exterminated" the television that was still showing _Adventure Time. _

The two detectives stood there, shocked, mouths agape.

Sherlock was the first to regain his composure and he turned angry, "That was a seventy-two inch plasma screen TV _and you blew it up!"_

John looked back at the TV, _Seventy-two inches? _Well, it was pretty big.

The machine ignored Sherlock's fury and repeated the order, "COME WITH ME OR YOU SHALL BE EXTERMINATED!" It then turned its Whisk of Death on John, causing them both to panic and hold their hands up in surrender.

* * *

Luckily for the machine and unfortunately for the detectives, it was an early Sunday morning so the streets were rather empty. They followed the machine that had not yet introduced itself ( how rude ) until they ended up down a secluded alley, the machine then _did something, _they were confused as to what it had done and they ended up transported on some kind of ship where, the detectives saw to their dismay, they were surrounded by hundreds of machines, each one complete with their own whisks and plungers.

They stood, still as statues, as all of the machines were silent and it appeared that they were waiting for something, or someone. Whilst they were standing the duo tried to take in their surroundings. The room that there were in reminded Sherlock of the Colosseum or the Globe, there was a massive ring in the middle where Sherlock and John stood and around this ring lay different sections, almost like a football stadium, where the machines were positioned, like spectators at a show, it looked like the detectives were there to provide the entertainment.

There was a massive, golden door and Sherlock saw that the door was the only way in or out; if the need arose then that door was to be their only chance of escape. Suddenly, the door opened and another machine came through the door, Sherlock immediately noticed that this was probably the leaders of these machines due to the shift in atmosphere in the room. Once the machine was near Sherlock and John it stopped and then something strange happened. The machine's appearance began to change. It grew taller and narrower, the whisk, eyepiece and plunger disappeared and a face took its place- a face that was familiar to Sherlock Holmes.

The machine stopped changing and was now in complete human form, he smiled at the two baffled detectives.

"Hello, Sherly!" The machine-now-turned-human called out in a singsong voice.

"Magnussen." was Sherlock's blunt reply.

John's eyes flickered between the two, he knew he had missed something, then he realised what was so strange about the situation.

"_Sherly?"_

* * *

"Would you care for a scone, Doctor?" The blonde, bushy-browed Brit asked.

"Iggy, no offense, but your scones suck." The obnoxious American answered.

The Doctor sighed as he continued flying his beloved TARDIS, he was really starting to regret inviting England and America aboard his TARDIS, but then again it was hardly a choice, he owed England a favour, he had lost a bet with the Brit. The bet being whether or not America could eat over 100 burgers without being sick, the Doctor declared this impossible, but the Brit merely shrugged and bet that the American _could _do it. Of course, England won the bet due to the American's unfathomable ability to consume an infinite amount of burgers.

The Doctor flinched as the American Nations hand thumped down on his shoulder; "So, Doctor, where are we going?"

The Doctor grinned, "Anywhere you want to."

The American Nation thought for a bit then he finally decided, "I know! Can we go see Iggy as a child? I really, _really, _wanna see that!"

"No, you git! Why would you want to see that anyway?" England cringed as he thought of his "long hair phase", stupid France.

The Doctor laughed at the duos pathetic bickering when a screen on the TARDIS= came up with a flashing, red warning notification.

"Oh dear, red, flashy, warning signs! That can't be good." The Doctor began wandering around the TARDIS console looking for any signs of malfunction or danger.

"America, what did you do?" The Brit asked, half-jokingly.

"Hey, that's not nice, Iggy! I didn't do anything!" America pouted and stood further away from England.

"Don't be like that, I didn't mean it…" England's voice softened.

America was about to reply when the Doctor's voice interrupted them.

""DALEKS!"

"What?" A baffled England and America asked simultaneously.

"The Dalek ship has just been picked up on the TARDIS radar, it seems like they're up to something…" The Doctor replied, a grim tone to his voice, which did not seem to go with his cheery personality and his flamboyant appearance, he was wearing a fez and a bow-tie.

"What's a Dalek?" England asked, inquisitive as usual.

"They're aliens, mean nasty aliens, who always want to expand and take over other people's planet."

"Oh! Do they know Russia?" America asked, receiving a baffled look from the Doctor and a glare from England.

"You idiot…"

"What? They sound like the type who would be friends with Russia." America protested.

England simply glared some more whilst the Doctor began to fiddle with the console.

"What are you doing?" England asked.

The Doctor looked at him as if it was obvious. "Landing the TARDIS on the Dalek ship of course."

"YOU BLOODY WHAT? WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?" The Brit fumed, clearly underestimating the Doctor's brilliance.

The Doctor shrugged, "Already done it! Better hold on tight…"

"IGGY!" America cried as the TARDIS sped towards its destination, throwing all three inhabitants around.

The TARDIS made its typical whooshing sound as they landed in the cockpit of the ship, "Well, here we are, let's go! The Doctor announced as he flung open the doors, America and England were right behind him. They had only just left the TARDIS when they ran into a Dalek.

"EXTERMINATE!"

"_Oh shit." _America cursed, "Is that a Dalek-thingy?"

The Doctor gave a sharp inhale, "Oh, yes, that's one of them."

America thought for a bit before finally coming up with an idea, "I got this! Iggy, give me a scone!"

England sighed, "I was saving this one for later…" He reluctantly gave the American his last scone.

"SCONES, I CHOOSE YOU!" America lobbed the scone directly at where he assumed the Dalek's mainframe would be, right in between the whisk and plunger.

For a couple of seconds nothing happened and then; POOF, the Dalek just… exploded in a ball of flame.

"Haha! See Iggy, I told ya' your scones were bad."

England crossed his arms and huffed; "My scones are just fine, you git."

* * *

**A/N: So.. That's chapter one done, I honestly have no idea what I just wrote.. Um, yeah so Iggybrows has Dalek destroying scones. **

**Oh, also this fic is being co-written by MillieTheKitty37 and I, though it will just be posted on my profile. **

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. **

**Please R&R!  
~TheYellowBrickRoadToTheTARDIS.**


	2. Bitch Please, I'm Harry Potter

Chapter Two

**A/N: I present you with a filler chapter! :D Woo! This chapter was written by my lovely co-writer MillieTheKitty27, so please give her some love as this is her first fanfiction! :3 Anyway, the next chapter will be longer than this due to how short this one is! Enjoy the cracky weirdness~**

**Warning: Slight cussing.**

* * *

_"Seriously, Sherly_?" John demanded, staring from Sherlock to the Magnussen-Robot-thing. Sherlock shrugged.

"He says he's my biggest fan." Magnussen nodded eagerly.

"He never reads my fanfiction," Magnussen complained to the very confused John. "Or my notes, or my fan-mail, or returns my calls, or-"

"You're the reason Ms. Hudson came in complaining about our phone bill?" demanded John.

"Obviously." Both Sherlock and Magnussen said together.

"Why did he kidnap us? Is he actually a robot thing? What are these robot things?" John asked, not caring about how rapidly he was losing his temper, despite the fact that when John gets angry, shit goes down.

"First, he's a creepy fan, John, aka a fan-girl. Surely even you can figure that out. "

Sherlock rolled his eyes, oblivious to his friend's near-explosion state. "Second, yes, he is one of these robots with a toilet plunger and a whisk for hands-"

"WE ARE THE DALEKS." another robot bleeped. "CAM IS OUR LEADER, AND HE IS BURDENED WITH GLORIOUS PURPOSE."

"Whatever." Sherlock sniffed, he'd rather be solving a murder or playing _Cluedo. _Then there was a sudden crashing noise.

"One of you go check that out." ordered Magnussen, who was still staring at Sherlock with a stare similar to when Hungary reads Yaoi. A Dalek moved to obey, but was shot back by a red light.

"BITCH PLEASE." A voice shouted. "I AM THE BOY WHO LIVED."

* * *

Hermione Granger had originally hoped that she could just have a quiet day in the library at Hogwarts, but _nooo_, Harry and Ron made her go outside, where they walked next to several statues, Hermione reflected that she should have paid more attention to those statues as they had never been there before. All of a sudden, they were surrounded by metal walls. It was like something out of a T.V show her dad liked, _Doctor What_ or something. Ah, _Doctor Who_. That was it. She pulled herself to her feet. Ron and Harry were already up, wands out.

"Hermione, what's-" Ron began, as a voice said ordered to 'check that out.' Realizing it was coming towards them, Harry raised his wand.

"Expelliarmus!' he whispered, before adding in a louder voice,"BITCH PLEASE, I AM THE BOY WHO LIVED."

"BITCH PLEASE; I AM SHERLOCK HOLMES' NUMBER ONE FAN." A voice replied, similar to the one that had spoken before.

"BITCH PLEASE-" Ron began, before thinking about what he was going to say. He paused, and then shouted. "I'M A GINGER!"A look of triumph evident on Ron's face.

"BUUUURNED..." bleeped something robotic.

"Exterminate that one for telling me I'm burned." 'Sherlock Holmes's number one fan' replied.

"YES-CAM" beeped several voices. "EXTERMINATE!" They cried, before exterminating a rebellious Dalek.

"Bring those intruders in here." Hermione, busy looking closely at the creature Harry had shot, gasped.

"What is it, Hermione?" Harry asked. Both he and Ron were watching her while they prepared themselves to fight.

"It's a Dalek...And it sounds like there are a lot of them."

* * *

**A/N: Dun, Dun, Duuunnn…. Yeah, DRAMATIC, MUCH? I have no idea what I'm saying right now, just, yeah, ignore me… **

***Whistles***

**Hope you like the story so far! **

**~TheYellowBrickRoadToTheTARDIS**

**~MillieTheKitty27**


	3. Meet and Greet Featuring Moriarty

Meet and Greet Featuring Moriarty 

**A/N: Heyyy, guys! Sorry it's been so long, I've been having computer problems and school is stressy as hell so yeah. Enjoy~ **

* * *

"Your scones are so bad that you made Daleks _explode!_" America exclaimed. "What the hell do you actually put in those? _Poison?_"

"No, I only put poison in on bad days." England replied, trying to keep a straight face. "So, don't piss me off, America."

"Okay, stop right now!" The Doctor announced, his frustration incredibly clear. "I can barely think straight with you guys here! We've been walking down the same corridor for over ten minutes! Can you guys _just stop?_"

It was true, the trio had been wandering the Dalek ship for well over ten minutes now and they still hadn't found the main area of the ship; the area where all of the Daleks would have been.

"I don't understand…" The Doctor mused; aloud. "Why would they purposefully send a signal to the TARDIS? It just doesn't make any sense. Frigging Dalek morons! I mean, I know they recently got a new leader, but that doesn't mean anything…" He sighed , everything was so confusing.

"Isn't their new leader that CAM guy?" England spoke up, remembering a recent meeting he'd had where they had discussed Magnussen and his blackmailing schemes. "I believe his name is Magnussen."

"Wait, so a _human_ commands an elite alien fleet? Pretty cool." America commented, his blue eyes twinkling with mirth. "Super cool, actually."

"No, it's not super cool." The Doctor lectured, "It is most definitely not super cool. Super evil, yes. Super suspicious, yes. But, super cool nu-uh." The Doctor then performed a sassy hand gesture- similar to that of a "Z Click" in order to reinforce his point.

"Oh." The American hung his head low- ashamed that he'd disappointed his senpai who wasn't really his senpai because England was totally his senpai.

"Don't worry America, it's not your fault that you're stupid." Said England, who was totally not trying to be condescending. Not at all.

"Thanks Iggy!" The Doctor and England rolled their eyes, and wondered how this lovable dork was the personification of one of the greatest countries in the World.

* * *

"I don't get it…" Ron muttered, staring in awe at all of the Daleks that surrounded them.

"There's a surprise." Hermione responded dryly, rolling her eyes.

"Hey!" John interjected; sticking up for Ron, "I don't get it either!"

"And there's a surprise." Sherlock muttered, "Shock of the century."

Magnussen chuckled, _these were the people destined to destroy the mighty Dalek fleet? Please._ The only two that seemed to actually possess brain cells were Sherlock, of course, and the girl with the bushy hair who Magnussen assumed was Hermione Granger.

"Right!" He proclaimed, "I figure that I should wait for all of you to arrive before I destroy everyone. So, " He paused dramatically before getting something from his bag of "Destroying the World Stuff." "Who's up for a game of _Cluedo?"_

John groaned, the Golden Trio shrugged and Sherlock victory-danced. "I call Miss Scarlett!"

Magnussen pouted, _"But, I wanted to be that one."_

Sherlock glared, "I am always Miss Scarlett."

John nodded, "He is _always_ Miss Scarlett."

_"Fine!"_ Magnussen hissed, "I'll be Professor Plum then."

The minor calamity was forgotten as three teenage wizards, the World's only consulting detective, an evil mastermind and John sat down to play _Cluedo,_ the Daleks were starting to regret having CAM as their leader.

* * *

"I'm starting to think that there are no Daleks on this ship." The Doctor announced, as they entered yet another vacant room. "We haven't seen any here at all."

"We saw the one that blew up; that was a Dalek, right?" England inquired, slightly astounded by the Doctor's strange behaviour that seemed to arrive whenever the Daleks were mentioned. There was probably a backstory to that.

"Yes, that was a Dalek." The Doctor agreed, "But if this is a Dalek ship then there should be hundreds of them."

"But, there _are_ hundreds of them!" America spoke up, confused. Was the Doctor stupid or something? "When we all went exploring separately, I went into this massive room and there were tons of them! They weren't paying any attention to me though. They were all focused on these people who were playing some kind of board game." America shrugged. "I didn't think it was very important."

"Not very important." The Doctor stated, repeating Alfred's words. _"Not very important?"_ He screeched, "Of course it's important! Now, America, where did you see these Daleks?"

"Just down the corridor." He answered, sheepishly. The Doctor nodded before speeding off, leaving America and England alone in the corridor together.

"I think we should probably follow him." England stated squinting down the corridor as if the Doctor shrugged.

America shrugged, "You're probably right." He agreed, then he beamed his wide, perfect smile. "Let's go then, England!" He yelled, before turning and running after the Doctor. He assumed that England was following him and so he didn't turn around to check.

He should have turned around.

* * *

"What _are_ you all doing?" The Doctor questioned, striding into the room and pretending not to be bothered by the intimidating presence of the Daleks.

"Well, we were playing _Cluedo_, but now that you're here we'll have to stop. I don't want to be rude to my guests." Magnussen stood and brushed himself off, keeping a watchful eye on the Doctor who was scanning the faces of the array of "guests."

"So, I guess we should all have a mini meet-and-greet session before I obliterate all of you." Magnussen suggested, his tone sounding extremely contradicting with the serious threat that he'd just made.

The others shrugged and they began to introduce themselves; the Doctor went first.

"Well, I'm the Doctor. I'm a 1,196 year old Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey, I'm the last of the Time Lords and I protect planets throughout time and space from evil aliens like these lot." The Doctor gestured to the Daleks and the end of that phrase.

Next; Sherlock. "My name's Sherlock Holmes, I'm the World's only consulting detective and I'm probably the smartest man you'll ever meet." He concluded, looking smug.

"He's also the biggest show-off you'll ever meet." John added, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. _Am I the only one stressing out here?_ He thought, rolling his eyes. When they were done, he'd have a nice cup of tea and maybe he'd get Mrs. Hudson to get him some biscuits.

"I'm John Watson, I solve crimes with this idiot." He stated, pointing at Sherlock. "I'm his blogger." He shrugged, and motioned for someone else to talk.

"I'm Harry. Harry Potter. I'm a wizard, I go to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I'm well known for defeating Lord Voldemort. I'm currently in my sixth year at Hogwarts." The teenager with the glasses who was speaking seemed slightly uncomfortable; as if all of the attention bothered him, which was slightly ridiculous as he's Harry freaking Potter.

"My name's Hermione Granger." The teenage girl with slightly bushy hair spoke clearly and concisely. "I go to the same school as Harry and Ronald. We're in the same year and house. I guess I'm well known for being the brightest witch of my age." She shrugged, as if to show that she wasn't bothered by it, but her tone revealed an sliver of pride.

"I'm Ron." Ron said. "Ron Weasley. I guess I'm well known for putting up with these two." Said two sent the freckled ginger high intensified death glares.

"And I'm America!" America announced, pumping his fist in the air. He noticed the puzzled faces of everyone else in the room and grinned. "Yeah, I am _the_ America because well, I'm just that much of a hero. Nations for the win!" He announced, loudly, causing the other people in the room to cover their ears.

"Right, that's all of the introductions done. Now, my turn, I suppose. I'm sure that most of you have figured it out, but my name is Charles Augustus Magnussen and I'm the new and improved leader of the Dalek Empire. I am burdened with great and glorious purpose. The purpose of stopping the prophecy, which leads me to explaining your obvious capture."

"Whoa wait, wait! I'm sorry but, _capture?_ As in, _we have to stay here?_" John inquired, looking angrier with every word causing Sherlock to back away from his companion.

Magnussen nodded, undeterred by John's obvious aggression issues. "Yes, that's right."

"Well, that's not happening. No way in _hell_ is that happening." John stated, his face turning redder and his voice becoming louder.

Magnussen sighed, exasperated. "Sherlock, if you could just kiss him or something to shut him up then it would be very much appreciated." Sherlock just glared at Magnussen so intensely that he quickly changed the subject.

Pushing his glasses further up his nose, Magnussen continued to talk. "The prophecy states that the Doctor, Sherlock Holmes and his Blogger, the Boy Who Lived plus his two companions and the countries of America and England will join forces to defeat the Dalek Empire, so before you could do that I figured that it would be tactical for me to get all of you first."

"I suppose that makes sense." Ron mused, "It's actually not that bad of a plan… Hey!" Hermione had whacked Ron on the head, there would probably be a bruise there later.

"Wait a second!" America announced, causing everyone to turn to him. "You missed out Iggy in the introduction!"

"Iggy?" John asked, wondering who would possess such a name as "Iggy."

"Yeah, England! You missed out _England!_ See, he's right there-" America paused as he realised that England was definitely not there. "Oh my God. Where's England?"

The Doctor frowned and turned to the nation, "I left him with you!"

"I swear, he was _right_ behind me." America frantically looked around but all he could see where Daleks that appeared to be_- dormant?-_ and _no England._

America buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, shit."

* * *

_"Where the bloody hell am I?"_

England was most definitely not impressed. He'd been shoved against his will onto a Dalek ship and then he'd been kidnapped by a stranger who was probably dangerous and he had absolutely no idea where he was! All he knew was that the room- he assumed it was a room as it was completely stationary- was dark and it smelt faintly of burnt scones.

"Okay, I swear on the life of the great Queen Elizabeth the First, if you don't answer me I will not be responsible for my actions." England threatened, trying his best to sound intimidating.

"Oh, I'm so scared. Should I call my mummy?" A sinister voice that seemed to loom over the British nation asked mockingly.

"Who are you?"

The man chuckled, "Now, isn't that the question… Oh, I suppose I'll play nice and tell you. My name's Jim Moriarty and I must say it's a pleasure to meet you England. I've heard so much about you."

At that moment, the light came on and England had to blink due to the harsh light penetrating his eyes. Jim Moriarty was standing beside the doorway and England had to admit that the man knew how to look intimidating, it was just the way that Moriarty carried himself, the calm yet threatening look in his eyes made you aware of just how dangerous the man could be.

Despite himself, England's tsundere mode just wouldn't switch off; "What the hell do you want with me, you bastard?"

Moriarty grinned, and England just knew that it was going to be something horrible. Maybe England had to kill someone, or help to rob a bank or sit through an entire episode of _The Kardashians._

"I need you to make scones." Moriarty announced, holding up a pair of pink oven gloves.

_Well, that certainly wasn't what England had been expecting._

* * *

**A/N: So, that's chapter three in the bag of the story that pretty much makes no sense! But, ohmygosh, we're loving writing this fic and we just keep coming up with more ideas for it so expect this to be a loooong ongoing story! We hope you'll stay with us for the ride! **

**If you're feeling genourous then drop us a review! :3 **

**Thanks to all of those who've followed and favourited so far! **

**Bye! **

**~TheYellowBrickRoadToTheTARDIS  
~MillieTheKitty37**


	4. Jack Harkness-Flirting Extraordinaire

Jack Harkness- Flirting Extraordinaire

**A/N: We've got another one for you guys  
Enjoy~**

* * *

England loved scones. He loved making scones. He loved eating scones with a nice cup of English breakfast or Earl Grey on a rainy Saturday morning curled up with a good book and his cat, Crumpet. What he didn't like was being forced into making scones. Especially by one Mr. Jim Moriarty.

"You want me to do what?" He asked, a scowl on his face.

"Make scones. It's not a hard concept." Moriarty shrugged, his Russia-like smile scaring the wits out of the country. "I know Sherly-Sher's on this ship. I need scones for tea with him."

"What? Why?"

Moriarty shrugged; a Cheshire-like smirk on his face. "I haven't seen him in a while. Besides, it's time to explain to him a couple of things."

"Like what?"

"None of your business, dear." Moriarty shrugged. "It's smart people things, things you petty unthinking creatures wouldn't understand." England scowled at that.

Well, this Mister Moriarty was one narcissistic git. "I am your country. I am n_ot _petty!" England clenched a fist. His eyes glittered like emeralds. "I was a pirate! I was the strongest empire in the history of the world!"

"And now you're not." Moriarty sang. "I wish you would tell me whhhhhy!" The man regained seriousness very quickly. "Now, England, get cooking! You don't have much time~"

"And what if I don't?" England challenged.

It didn't even take a second for Moriarty to come up with a threat. "It would be such a shame to cut off your eyebrows." England winced. He loved his eyebrows. If he didn't have them then his face would look weird and America would mercilessly tease him. But, he didn't really want to make scones for the manipulative git known as Moriarty, but...

"Alright."

"Good!" Moriarty handed him the pink oven mitts. "You have forty-five minutes, and if they're not done by then..." Moriarty raised his evil Britannia-brow cutting razor threateningly, and England nodded quickly. "Anyway, they need lemon curd, so I'll be back soon~"

* * *

"IGGGGYYYYYYYY!" America was shouting at the top of his lungs. The Doctor was running around sonicing everything. "This is so weird, dude! He was right behind me, I swear!" The Doctor scowled at him.

"This is England we're talking about. He doesn't just get lost!" The bow tie wearing time lord snapped. Then he brightened. "Maybe he was looking for a fez, or a new bowtie?"

"Or maybe he was trying to destroy France again?" America mused. The Doctor shook his head.

"I would hope he would know better." The time lord groaned. "Last time he did that, he set Weeping Angels on Napoleon!" America laughed _heroically._

"This is ridiculous!" John burst finally. "How am I waiting for my own country, on board a spaceship, having just finished a game of Cluedo with a bunch of robots, a world superpower, three teenage wizards, and Sherlock?!" Sherlock frowned at him as Harry shrugged.

"I've done weirder things. Like kill a giant snake with a fake sword. Or-"

"Or almost die in a graveyard. That one takes the cake. Talk about irony." Ron agreed. Hermione sighed, shaking her head.

"The only good thing about that is it killed Edward Cullen." she said calmly, opening her magic bag and pulling out her lip chap. The other two wizards nodded in agreement.

"Who?"

"Cedric Diggory was a fake. He was actually a sparkling vampire." Sherlock said to John. America grinned at him.

"Twiliiiight!" he cheered. The Doctor rolled his eyes. "What? It's American! I love American things!"

"No shit Sherlock." The Doctor mumbled. Sherlock glared at him. "Right, sorry!" The door opened suddenly, and a man in a blue trenchcoat stood leaning against it.

"If you love American things," the man said with a flirtatious wink. "Then come take a look at this!" The man bowed. "Captain Jack Harkness," he walked, (more like sashayed) over to America. "And who are you, handsome?" America grinned before striking a pose.

"I'M THE HERO!" he shouted. "I'm America!"

"Jack, shut up." Doctor groaned. "Please. One American is enough!" America pouted.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The Doctor shrugged.

"Americans are loud."

"And annoying." Harry added. The Doctor nodded.

"Kinda like Draco." Mused Ron. Hermione elbowed him.

"Their egos aren't as big."

"Yes they are." The Doctor and Harry chorused. America pouted.

"I don't have a big ego!" Captain Jack now sauntered up to John, having noted that America was too clueless to figure out that Jack was flirting with him.

"How did you get in here?" asked Magnussen. Everyone had, somehow forgotten he was here. Jack winked.

"I'm Captain Jack Harkness."

"He flirted with the front guards." The Doctor translated.

"How do you flirt with a metal robot?" Hermione wondered.

"This is Jack Harkness we're talking about. Anything is possible."

* * *

"You're forty-five minutes are uuuup!" cheered one Moriarty as he skipped, yes, skipped, into the room, carrying a bag filled with jars.

"I hope they're done, because if they don't you'll lose your eyebrows!" England was frowning at his creations. They were a bit more burned than usual. Just a little, but still. Moriarty popped up behind him.

"England! I need those scones!" England could hear the razor going off behind him, and shuddered. The country turned around, holding the plate. Moriarty examined them closely, looking at them from every angle. England held his breath. Finally Moriarty looked up.

"Weeeeeell..." he drawled, reminding England of one specific ginger sibling of his. "They're not bad. Actually, they'll do nicely!" Moriarty grinned, holding the razor threateningly. "Now, let's go find Sherly and the rest of your group!"

"Why?" England demanded, thick eyebrows furrowed.

"Because I want to kill Magnussen! Sherlock is mine! All MINE!" England groaned. The razor poked him.

"Let's go, Iggy! We're going to be assassins! Well, actually, you are, because I'm too fabulous. You're going to revert back to your pirate self. And then you're going to kill Magnussen with a scone bomb!" England sighed. Why did he always get stuck with the psychopaths?

* * *

As of right now, the majority of the group were entertained by this Captain Jack Harkness flirting with Sherlock. Well, everyone but America, because America was still running around looking for 'his Iggy.' When Jack finally stopped to take a breath, a Dalek rolled up to Magnussen.

"We detect two intruders in the lower decks!" it beeped. Magnussen frowned, but America interrupted whatever he was about to say.

"Dude! You found Iggy? Awesome!" The door opened, and a blond haired, big eyebrowed man was shoved in.

"Alright alright!" the man dusted himself off. "You don't have to be rude!" America brightened up.

"Igggy!" America glomped him.

"Get off me, America!" England struggled out of America's grip. The door opened one more time, and a man stepped him, carrying a plate of burned rocks.

"No..." America gasped, staring from the man to England to the plate of rocks and back. "You made scones for him?" England nodded, looking miserable.

"He threatened my eyebrows..."

"If I were you I would take the eyebrows off." Ron commented. England scowled.

"Hi Sherlock!" the man looked at Magnussen with distaste. "And others." He raised the plate of scones. "I brought-" The floor exploded, and the second scariest noise to England's ears was heard.

"Keseseseseses!" The voice laughed." Why wasn't the AWESOME me invited to this party?" The dust cleared, and a pair of red eyes peered out, followed by a giant grin.

"MY AWESOME BRO!" America shouted, throwing his fist into the air.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, this chapter was done by the awesome author named MillieTheKitty37! **  
**Thank you to everyone who's reading so far, we have this fic planned pretty far ahead so look forward to more chapters soon! :) **  
**~MillieTheKitty37**  
**~TheYellowBrickRoadToTheTARDIS.**


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